I’m meeting a big milestone tomorrow. One year ago tomorrow, I had my RPAO. At the bottom of this post there is a new photo of my scar. It’s getting better, but the redness at the top still bothers me. A lot has happened in the last 365 days (actually 366…this year is a leap year). Honestly it’s been the most difficult year of my existence. It is reassuring to think where I was then, newly cut open and broken, and see where I am now. I am doing well. I have healed well. My recovery went well. Friends like to mention that and it’s all true. But I am not perfect. My hip is not 100% and that’s frustrating to me. For a long time I constantly felt fragile and weak and unable. Now I have moments when I feel strong, usually after I’ve completed some physical task, but I pay the price later with soreness. I do still feel fragile sometimes and I hate that feeling.

I’m one year post-op for my right hip and just under 5 weeks pre-op for my left hip. I’m starting to make lists of what I need to accomplish before surgery. Most of it is spring cleaning of my house and spring clean-up of my yard. I will need to prepare and freeze some dinners eventually. I’ll also need to dust off all the “old lady” equipment (crutches, shower seat, toilet raiser) and put it all back together. I don’t really want to have that stuff sitting around just yet.

I’m having a hard time staying positive this time. In most ways, it’s so much better to have been through it already. Knowledge and actual experience trumps reading anyone else’s story. But, having that knowledge taints anything I try to enjoy now. Steve and I talked about taking a trip at the end of this month to San Diego and Palm Springs but we’ve decided not to do it because I don’t think I’d be able to enjoy myself with surgery on my mind. Physically I could walk around, sight-see, swim, maybe learn to surf, but mentally I would have a cloud following me around. I feel like those commercials for depression medication where there’s an actual cloud hovering over the depressed person.

Last weekend Steve had a Thursday meeting with his client in Whistler and we made a long weekend out of it. On Friday we drove to the Olympic Village, where they did the ski jump, cross country, biathlon, bobsled, etc., and did some cross country skiing.

Olympic rings on the biathlon course

On Saturday we were both sore from skiing and decided to take it easy and “just” snowshoe. What we didn’t realize until too late was that we had ended up on a black diamond trail. We started at the bottom of the ski jump and climbed up above the top of the ski jump. As we were climbing I remember saying to Steve, “there better be a big payoff at the top.” There was!

top of ski jump on our black diamond snowshoe trail

Sunday we walked around Whistler Village looking in some shops. I didn’t last very long. Two days in a row of non-typical activities had left me pretty sore. I’ve been getting a pinching and tightness at the bottom of my incision in my groin and across the front of my hip. I just e-mailed Dr. Mayo’s office about it today. I was pretty disappointed that milling around town did me in. It was a fun weekend but I came home a little deflated.

scar at one year

Advertisements